Lately, I’ve found myself very guilty of wishing time away. To combat the negativity of doctor’s appointments and long work days, I have found it helpful to look forward to exciting things that are coming up.
Right now, there are a lot of exciting things coming up. The biggest and most important thing for me is the time when I successfully find a dosage of medication that works and I can consider myself stable. I have been dreaming of that day for months. It’s my ultimate goal, a time that I hope will involve a lot less worry and pain than I have been experiencing in the present. Another thing that I’m looking forward to is going back to college. I can’t wait to go back to living my life independently again. I love being home with my family, but I miss my regular routine of living with my best friends, being able to do things on my own, and most of all, my beautiful campus.
The most immediate, though, is the Fourth of July. Every year, I get to celebrate twice. The weekend before, my hometown hosts a carnival with fireworks, which I always attend with my best friends from high school. The weekend after, my family celebrates at our beach house down at the Jersey shore with a block party and fireworks on the beach. Best of all, though, my birthday is a few days later. For me, the beginning of the month of July is the most perfect time. What’s better than a burger fresh off the grill and fireworks in the sand?
It’s one thing to look forward to something fun and exciting that’s coming up, but it’s another to let it take you away from the now. The realization took a few weeks, but it’s becoming very clear to me that I have been wasting the small everyday moments by wishing them away.
There are so many little things to enjoy, but I’m not sure enough of us take the time to experience them. Like sitting down for a warm, homemade dinner. Or the relief of getting out in the sun on your lunch break after being stuck inside staring at a computer screen for hours. Or how about the feeling of getting into bed and finally shutting your eyes to let your body rest? These are little things that happen so often, but we are so busy trying to hit fast forward, that we don’t spend enough time being in those moments.
Time goes by fast enough as it is. I often look back on this year, and even though it was easily the hardest of my life, it still went by in the blink of an eye. If something so difficult can feel so short, how can I expect the good times to feel like they last? It’s crazy because it seems like the more time passes, the days somehow go by faster. Before I know it, Fourth of July will have come and gone, I will be back on my college campus, and I will hopefully be stable. I’ll probably be shivering in my t-shirt during my walk to class in October, in denial of the cold months like I always am during the fall, wishing for the warm weather and homework-less days to come back.
Not everyday is going to be spent exactly where you want to be, doing exactly what you want to do. There are going to be days that drag on, and there are going to be days that are wonderful. The key to happiness is to find the little moments in those longer, more daunting days, that will make you happy. The first sip of your morning coffee. The feeling you get when you finish a workout. Singing along to your favorite song when it comes on the radio.
There will be a time when you want these days back. You may not think so now, but there will be. Something more difficult may come along, a moment in which you are desperate for some peace or a change of scenery. Be thankful for the moment you’re in now. Find something in your day to enjoy. It’s there if you look hard enough.