trust

I think one of the hardest things in the world is feeling betrayed by someone you really trusted. Especially if you’re someone like me, who sees the best in people until they prove you wrong.

I have always been that way. I have such a horrible tendency to trust people who don’t necessarily deserve it. Even if people very clearly have done me wrong. I still want to believe that they have good intentions.

During some of the harder days, I’ve cursed myself for being that way. People warned me. They tell me that I should be careful and not get my hopes up, because people tend to disappoint.

A lot of the time, those people were right. Trusting people just ends with me feeling stupid, knowing that I should’ve seen the disappointment coming.

I remember when I first began dating my current boyfriend. We had met at an orientation event during the first few days of college, and I was eager to make friends, so I gave him my phone number. A few days later, I saw him on campus. One of my very first impressions of seeing him was him after that day was wearing an outfit that made him look like a wannabe Justin Bieber. He was wearing a backwards hat, ripped jeans, and an oversized sweatshirt from some odd brand that no one knew about. So not my type.

For a few weeks after that, we texted back and forth, getting to know each other. I distinctly remember, one day, sitting on my bed and texting him. His incoming text read, “I am so board”. Me, being the grammar enthusiast I am, laughed and showed my roommate the text. I told her, “There’s no way I could ever date someone who doesn’t the difference between bored and board.”

There was something that felt off to me. I wasn’t sure if he was going to be who I wanted him to be. There was a sense of mystery to it. Trusting someone you don’t know is difficult, especially when it isn’t your normal way of going about things.

And, yet, something in my gut told me I should keep talking to him. So, I did. A few friends of mine suggested that it seemed like he might not be a good guy, and that I should tread lightly.

Here we are, over two years later. I trusted my gut and I’m still dating one of the best people that I’ve ever met. If I didn’t have the instinct to trust as easily as I did, I may have closed myself off from someone who loves and cares about me more than I could ever imagined someone would.

Was there a chance that I could’ve been hurt? Of course. A pretty big one. There’s still a chance that I could get hurt. But there always is. The way I see it, you give a piece of yourself to every person you share your story with. I know that it can be scary, and sometimes your instinct can be wrong, but if you close off from the people around you, you are preventing yourself from living a fuller life.

When you’re wrong and people disappoint you, that becomes a lesson. It is painful and it is hard, but it becomes something you can look back on and hopefully, one day, tell yourself that you are happy that it happened. Every hardship makes you stronger, no matter how how difficult it seems in that moment.

You have so much to offer the world, and the world has so much to offer you. The biggest treasure in life is friendship. What is this life if we have no one to spend it with?

Being cautious is a good thing, but being overly cautious can be dangerous. Even though it’s caused me a lot of pain, I wouldn’t trade who I am for a minute. Being who I am has led me to the highest highs and the lowest lows. Fulfillment comes from being real and raw.

Even though trusting people can be the scariest thing in the world, keep doing it. Keep opening up and letting people in. There might be times when you regret doing so, but you’ll learn from it. Look through the storm to the other side. Because when it works, you have the opportunity to forge the best and most meaningful relationships in your lifetime. Go with it.

 

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