I found out a few days ago that I have officially been named editor in chief of Sacred Heart’s school newspaper next year. It’s something that I’ve wanted for so long. For years. As I applied, I held my breath, not wanting to get my hopes up. I knew I was highly qualified, but not sure who I was up against. All year, I’ve been learning how to play a managerial role on the board, but I have still made what feels like a million mistakes and have been intimidated every step of the way. The new title makes me so excited, but also scares the living crap out of me.
I’ve been literally running around crazy already these past few days with brand new responsibilities that I never thought I’d have. I never thought I could get so many emails or be asked so many questions. And my year hasn’t even started yet. My job hasn’t even officially begun yet. But sitting in the chair, interviewing potential candidates to work as editors next year has been such a privilege, already. I’ve never been the person on the other side of the interview until now.
It’s weird to be in charge of something. Being the decision maker already freaks me out. I’ve served as a leader in some situations. As a captain, as the editor of my previous section, as an upperclassman on the swim team. Even the head swim coach of a swim team. But for some reason, this feels different. This time, I don’t have to swim team parents to ask for help. Or my mom in the kitchen when I come home from practice to listen to my worries. There’s me, my other two head editors, and everyone who reads the paper. I’ll be responsible for every word that goes into it and every repercussion that comes from it. I know there will be people that challenge what we write, and I’ll take responsibility for whatever I have to.
I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more excited for something in my life. I have been ecstatic. Over the moon, giddy excited. Answering my emails right away, looking out for the next ones, looking to do any task I’m assigned. Counting down until it’s my turn.
Our advisor keeps asking if there’s anything about the paper I think I’d want to change, and there is. Quite a few things. I’m not sure how I’m going to go about making the changes I want to make. I’m not sure I’m confident enough in my opinion. Hell, I’m not even sure I have the confidence to run this whole thing yet. This week, the current editor in chief is going to be away, and it’s my first shot at putting the whole thing together by myself. Things like this are going to be the little moments that prepare me for the upcoming year. In some ways, I’m ready for it. In other ways, I’m totally afraid. All I want to do is leave the publication better than I found it. That’s all I can really ask.
Everyone keeps saying how each editor in chief leaves their legacy.
Damn right, I’m going to leave my legacy.